It’s my brother’s birthday on the 14th.  A few minutes from now.

I never felt close to him growing up.  For many reasons.  We grew up in a ‘dismissive’ family and environment.  Living at a boarding school, with the boys in one dorm and the gilrs in another didn’t help. 
In some ways it didn’t bother me.  It was all I knew. 
Yet at a deeper level I was longing for closeness.  For a big brother.   It was probably about 20 years ago I got in touch with this longing and began voicing it to God.  Not quite believing we would ever become good friends.
God took the longing of my heart seriously and has been interacting in our histories in ways that has resulted in our connecting at levels of our hearts and souls. More than what I imagined or hoped for.

As I stated in yesterday’s entry, he is a man whom I can look up to. Respect.   Someone whose life  automatically inspires me to reach towards living in manner that is loving, gracious, generous and compassionate…

I’m still puzzled as to how he has a grown into the man he is.  I cannot recollect anyone in our childhood that displayed an example of how he is resonding now to life.  To a difficult (that is putting it blandly!) life situation!   
Jim’s marriage is coming to an end.  Not in an amiacable way!  To put some of it into words would leave you stunned and inwardly demanding justice and righteousness!   But I am going to resist breaking confidence and telling his story which is not mine to tell.

So, how do I share some of what I am experiencing as to how his responses in life are ‘nudges’ pushing me towards more love and good deeds?

Not wanting to paint a picture that is overly slanted,  I must state that he is able to voice his hurt, frustration, confusion, grief…   He is appropriately dissatisfied with the messy and cruel destruction of his hopes and dreams.  He is in touch with the emotions that come with the deceit, betrayal, loss…   He voices how he wishes he could manage his anger in more calm interactions.  Although I am aware of how amazingly well he is doing in the context of all the ’shit’ flying into his face,  he is not able to be completely pleased with himself in that he is relating in a ‘business’ manner and from a braced/guarded place.  He desires being a kind and generous and loving man-  regardless of the situation.

Jim is a wonderful ‘case study’ of what it is like to live out of the heart that Jesus designed in him.  It flys contrary to a typical reaction that most of us would have.   That I do have.
I think the verse of ‘bless your enemies.  do good to those who despitefully use you’. is a great ideal to shoot towards.   I have been pleased with myself when I have been able to authentically ask God to bless a person whom I feel wronged by.   I can’t say that I have been the answer to that prayer very often though.   
And now I get the example of what it could look like when one lives out that kind of blessing and really does walk the extra mile!

Like there are the times after an ugly, escalated interaction with his wife- and his 5 year old son being present.   After being horridly shamed,  falsely accused…    he comforts his son with an explanation that  ‘mommy  is upset now since Zachi has died, and she needs extra hugs and kisses’. (Their 6 year old son has been energetically alive in heaven since the end of last year.)  Rather than using her outburst as a justification to put her down,  he takes the little guy out to buy flowers for his mommy!

While being bad-mouthed to others,  Jim consistently voices respect, appreciation for what a great mother she has been for over 6 years to their special needs son.  He holds her up with honor! 

When most of us would encourage him to fight for his rights,  he is more concerned with his character and with the best interest of his 5 year old.

Those who know me know how understanding the brain is a passion of mine.   In my times of teaching and with clients, we look at how the back parts of our brains manage the 6 big negative emotions. When we have been pushed to the limits, we typically react defensively with a focus to keep ourselves safe and protect our rights.  If we are able to regulate these intense emotions well, then we are able to use the front part of our brains and live out the values that we find most important to us.   
We are able to be kind, gracious, generous, voice truth in a relational manner, stand firm for justice and righteousness … All in a manner that continues to enhance relationships.  Or at least create an environment that is conducive to a healthy relationship regardless of whether or not the other person responds. 

Jim, my brother, is doing remarkably well in displaying who he truly is -even in the situations that  generate anger, pain, fear, powerlessness, despair, hopelessness…

What a refreshingly remarkable blend of characteristics that are part of our God!  Interwoven into the heart  fabric of Jim.  He is growing up into the fullnes of his true design and identity – designed before the beginning of time.  He is bringing life into places of destruction.

Our Creator God did a remarkable job in putting together the person of James W. Poole!  God deserves to get lots of credit.   Jim is certainly worth being celebrated!   

And I am doing just that!